Man's Best Friend is His Dog

If you think life is weird, you should see what's out there for aprés life, pets included.

Shall we work our way from nearly normal to way beyond?

The first subject is actually kind of a nice way to memorialize your pet and keep them
close.

A few years ago there was a bit of a stir when someone announced they could create a
real 'life' diamond from the carbon leftovers of cremation. It just seemed like there
would be a limited number of widows or widowers who would want to keep the first (or
second, or third) hanging around their neck or on a ring around their finger while getting
on with life, and there are pretty good odds that the next spouse would find it a little
disconcerting, if not downright perverse, to feel a pendant made of their predecessor
pressed into their flesh at intimate moments.

But no one begrudges a departed pet's place in your heart.

It's kind of cool, in a macabre sort of way, to think that you can look at the earthly
remains of your pet, almost as beautiful as in life -- in a different sort of way, even
shinier than the glossy coat you remember, and always have them near you. And after
all, isn't your favorite jewelry your favorite because it means something special to you?
Okay, maybe that one's not so weird after all.

Cryogenic preservation is always a good candidate for weird though.

Run a search on Google using the terms 'pet' 'cryonic' and 'preservation' and it starts
to get interesting. Everything from companies that will send you a harvesting kit and
suggest you have your vet harvest a tissue sample while your pet is still alive to those
that offer to store you and your pet, side by side, as you chill out through time, waiting
for science -- or maybe magic -- to figure out how to thaw you and cure you of whatever
was killing you, as well as aging and the ravages your bodies endured prior to being
iced.

There is something incurably optimistic inherent in opting for cryogenic suspension, and
hey, your dog might get lucky and get revived in the same time frame and location as
Ted Williams. Now THERE'S a game of fetch just waiting to be played!
Moving right along in a logical (?) progression from cryonics, we come to cloning.
Some of the companies offering to cryogenically store harvested tissue and DNA
samples state on their websites that although they do not provide the service of pet
cloning, they are more than happy to accommodate any such provider you might wish to
have retrieve the iced DNA of your pet in order to recreate your loved one, molecule for
ever lovin' molecule.

But how can you clone a soul?

Some people cannot bear the thought of being parted from their pets, taking separation
anxiety into the realm of truly, ewwww/shudder.

Imagine going to visit your friends, Fred and Marie. You know they're somewhat
depressed, having lost their elderly Peke, Pei, to cancer last month, so you do some
shopping and thoughtfully find the perfect picture frame for one of their cherished
photos of Pei so that they can look up and see that beloved little face whenever they
wish.

Now, imagine the horror . . . they invite you in, exclaim politely over your gift, then look
at each other significantly and stifle matching giggles. You're invited to join them in the
den for coffee, but as you cross the room to sit down in your favorite, incredibly
comfortable leather club chair and put your feet up on the matching ottoman . . . there
lays Pei, curled up proprietarily in the chair.

You look; they snigger.

You look again, thinking maybe they've already got another Peke that bears a striking
resemblance.

Oh, it's Pei, all right, freeze dried Pei. Fred and Marie can still pet him and love him and
call him Pei; the fact that he doesn't answer isn't odd since he was a contrary little beast
while he was still breathing.

Lots of ways for you to take care of your pet after he or she is gone. But, who will take
care of your pet if you leave this earth first?

Not in case of your death, in case of Rapture. In case your heathen little mutt gets left
behind, who will feed him and pet him and love him? Never fear! There are groups of
friendly and enterprising certified atheists who are sure they aren't going anywhere in
case of Rapture who, for a prepaid fee, usually around $100 U.S. or so, will see to it that
your pet is cared for if you should be taken into the heavens before your death. Most
accept Paypal. Thank God for atheists.

Weird.